Living or Loving Life?

The other day when I was looking at pictures/videos of my grandchildren it reminded me of the best childhood times, the carefree summers filled with long days of freedom and endless activities.   Family oriented Cranston RI offered the perfect environment for adventurous kids with everything from ponds for fishing and swimming, to city pools open all day that were practically free, numerous sports fields and organized sports programs, and undeveloped areas of woods ideal for building forts, secret missions and wild adventures.    It also had neighborhoods full of kids making it easy to find friends to start a pickup football or baseball game or to go exploring.   I remember waking each morning excited about what the day would bring and going to sleep at night exhausted from a full day of non-stop activities.  Life was great.

I recently had a conversation with a friend on how much she was looking forward to a vacation to escape the burdens of her everyday life.     This was followed by her venting on how hectic and overwhelming life had become shuttling the kids around to events, keeping up with her part time job, shopping, cooking, paying bills, managing finances, house cleaning and maintenance, doctor and dentist appointments, and car care.    This is a woman who I know loves her kids and husband and looks for chances to spend time with them.  Who loves her job and the life style and trappings it affords.  So why is she so unhappy when she talks about the life she wanted and then built for herself?

The majority of us are guilty of living life rather than loving life.  Going through the motion of everyday activities without really thinking about how they contribute to the joy in our lives (or don’t).    Because of the demands on our time we start to think about every activity as a chore sucking the joy out of events like taking your child to a sports practice or successfully cooking a new recipe. 

I was recently reading a book on how the brain processes information and emotions and one of the insights involved the coupling of emotions with activities.  Things that are remembered best are tied to one of these four emotions; fear, joy, aggression, sadness.   The more we can change our attitude to couple joy with activities, the stronger our memories of those events will be.  Equally important, the chemical reaction of consistently coupling joy/enthusiasm with events can rewire the brain to create a happier attitude toward life (the reverse is also true).

My life these days couldn’t be more different from two years ago.  I’m pretty much house bound as we try to avoid any situations that might expose my immune system to a virus, fugus or bacteria.  No crowds, no grandchildren visits, no stores, no movie theaters, and no restaurants.   Yet I find myself starting each day with the same sense of enthusiasm and love of life as my 9-10-year-old summers use to provide.

I’m not alone.  I see the same sense of attitude and perspective among the children who are struggling with cancer.   In many cases they face years of treatments yet they a quick to show you their latest project or accomplishment with an enthusiasm for life that rivals the happiest of children.   

My goals these days is to try and adopt their attitude.    Let’s face it, part of me is just thankful to be here to wake up each morning but I’ve also made a conscious attitude shift to find as much joy and wonder in the little things as I can.   Given a choice, I picked Loving.

Speaking of life, things are going well with the transplant recovery.   The bone marrow biopsy 100 days after transplant is a major milestone for determining if the body is accepting the transplant and if you have any remaining signs of leukemia.  My biopsy was at the end of Feb. and this week we got the word my body is 90+% donor stem cells an there are no sign of leukemia cells.    We still have fatigue and Graph vs Host Disease issues we have to fight through (GI issues, skin rashes) as we work towards the 1-year recovery goal but so far they have been relatively manageable.    The biggest issue is just being in isolation until the flu season is over and the immune system get a chance to strengthen.   

So, thank you for all the prayers and support.  I couldn’t have gotten here without it.  Now on to the goal of a 5K walk in April.