I just celebrated my 2-year
transplant birthday this week and I thought it was a good time to reflect on
where I am in my recovery and what I’ve learned about myself. Self-reflection can be a frightening thing
but not nearly as scary as my reflection in a mirror these days.
I was taking a post-transplant
inventory on my health the other day and I realized how much I have physically
aged just since the transplant. I had
expected aging to be a gradual process but with the chemo, transplant and
associated after effects, I got to see it in an accelerated form. Quick back of the napkin estimate is I’ve
aged 5 years since the transplant….physically.
I think the jury is out on the mental affects but then I’m so forgetful
how would I know.
It’s not like I expected to never get
old. I was prepared for a gradual
decline in my marathon times, the inevitable thinning of the hair, the constant
search for the car keys/wallet, the lack of strength to open jars, the need for
a heating pad and Aleve after a half hour of raking leaves, etc. It’s just I didn’t expect it to happen all
at once.
It’s time to face facts… “this is
your new reality…get use to it.”
Last Sunday I stumbled on a cartoon in
the Sunday paper that hit home. I’m
usually not a comics reader but this one happened to be just above the Sudoku
puzzle which I’m fairly passionate about.
It was Hagar the Horrible talking to a crippled pirate.
“…look at you…one eye!
“One hand!”
“And one leg!”
“Could your luck be any worst?”
The pirate responds “Sorry, do mind
talking into my good ear?”
A great reminder that nothing is so
bad that it couldn’t be worse. Also a
great reminder that your attitude determines if the glass is half empty or half
full. For example:
- - Lost
my sense of taste but now I can eat almost anything and not worry about it
tasting bad. With a little
imagination, any flavor of ice cream can taste like my favorite.
- -
My
memory is not what it used to be but I worry less because I can’t remember what
I was worrying about. I write myself
more notes and lists to get things done.
I just have to remember where I put them.
- -
Eyesight
is going so I have to wear glasses.
Glasses make me look smarter when I'm wearing them but dumber when I ask where
are my glasses (and they are on top of my head).
- -
No
hair so I save money on haircuts and shampoo. Showers are faster too.
- -
Less
of a sense of smell makes changing grandchildren’s diapers easier and airplane
trips more pleasant.
Maybe we need to have a weekend camp
for middle aged adults to introduce them to what to expect. Make them wear slightly out of focus
glasses, give them mouthwash that numbs the taste buds, shave their heads (men),
hide any items like wallets, purses, phones and keys they leave around. If we really want to challenge them
mentally, make them select the lowest cost Medicare insurance plan for a
simulated 65-year-old.
Despite what it may appear, I’m not
complaining. I expected pretty much
all the above at some point as I got older, just not so soon and not so suddenly. With the exception of running I’m learning
to adapt. I haven’t given up on getting
back to running even though I’ve accepted my marathon days may be over. I plan
on doing another fundraising multiday marathon challenge again this year. Thanks
to all the support last year we were able to fund four programs for children
with cancer and their families in 2019. They send their heartfelt thank you for the
help.
So, 2 years on from the transplant and
despite the challenges of GVHD I’m thankful to still be here. Shortly I’ll get the results of my latest
bone marrow biopsy and if we get a clean bill of health it will lower the odds
of a relapse. Fingers crossed.
